That loss of direction feeds into my main fear of not attaining some sensation of significance in life. Now, I am not implying that I feel insignificant as if I experienced neglect and have emotional doubts about my self-worth. It is entirely contrary. I personally feel that I have that internal something to do great things someday. But I fear that I will miss a subtle opportunity, like the closing of a door that's locked from the outside, and I will not be able to attain that significance.
Monday, September 23, 2013
What if You Don't Make It? A Fear of Insignificance
Directionless. It is a feeling that approaches me so easily when I have nothing but time to think about every facet and factor of my life so far. When I talk to someone close, they tell me that it is only a common concern to not have a crystal visual of the road ahead. I feel that this means something completely different to them than it does to me. Why is that? It is because I do not want to live in this world with a grand void like the spaces between rocks in a canyon, and not feel like I've done something different enough, and significant enough, to feel like I am alive. That directionless feeling always returns to me, because I do not want to wake up one day, stuck like a mistaken footprint in the cement in a place where I am doing nothing purposeful because I couldn't find the right sign.
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Ciara, I totally agree. I think, though, that this is just a stage we go through--we are still trying to figure out what to do with our lives and how. In the mean time, just know you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteFeeling that way is awful, I know. Sometimes you just have to wait it out though, even if it sucks. By the way, I really liked your rocks in a canyon metaphor.
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